Arrested Development

Is it too late for me to grow? Why am I blooming so late? How come it feels like I'll never be able to mature and develop. I need to get out of here.

Borderline personality disorder

Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is a personality disorder described as a prolonged disturbance of personality function in a person over the age of eighteen years, characterized by depth and variability of moods. The disorder typically involves unusual levels of instability in mood; “black and white” thinking, or splitting; chaotic and unstable interpersonal relationships, self-image, identity, and behavior; as well as a disturbance in the individual’s sense of self. In extreme cases, this disturbance in the sense of self can lead to periods of dissociation.

These disturbances can have a pervasive negative impact on many or all of the psychosocial facets of life. This includes difficulties maintaining relationships in work, home and social settings. Attempted suicide and completed suicide are possible outcomes, especially without proper care and effective therapy.

So set your restless heart at ease.
Take a lesson from these autumn leaves.
They waste no time waiting for the snow.

Flowers for Algernon

Tonight I watched Flowers for Algernon, my schools play. I was so proud to see my friends and classmates perform with such skill. This has been the best play my school has put out so far.

"This intelligence has driven a wedge between me and all the people I once knew and loved. Before, they laughed at me and despised me for my ignorance and dullness; now, they hate me for my knowledge and understanding."

7/8ths of the way done

The year is going by too fast.
Finals.
Applications.
Winter break.

and worst of all.
I'm only now realizing that I'm seventeen years old. I still feel like I'm fifteen. I have nothing to my name. I have no success. I have no skill. I sure as hell have no money. I only have hope. Holy fuck do I hope everything goes according to plan.