It's been hard moving out.
I've mostly been concentrated on how to concentrate on everything but being homesick. I would tell people I was homesick, but I never really let myself feel it.
When Marian and Ben came up this weekend I started to let myself notice how much I really miss everybody and how much I regret coming up here for school. I came out of my denial mode and started to let myself feel what I really felt. I missed everybody. I missed Marian. I missed my parents. I missed my brother. I missed my dreaded house where I, for so long, dreamed of moving out from.
I basked in these negative thoughts for the whole morning. I talked to Ben about them and he told me that it's all part of growing up. I told him I didn't care. I wanted him to stay with me and leave his home that very moment. He told me he wished it could be that easy. I asked him why all things couldn't be easy.
Right now I realize why. If everything in life was made to be done so easily, it wouldn't be worth anything at all.
I've got to work hard for my happiness. Happiness isn't just given out on silver platters. It is meant to be achieved at great sacrifice. My sacrifice is my time and my comfort. I need to experience growing up and being alone. I need to be independent. So although times in my life right now are difficult, they are worth it. In the end, these things will shape me and teach me to ultimately, become a better person.
