it's just raining on my face

When you cry in public people always want to know why.

But how do I even start to explain?

you were trying to help me.
to keep me from drowning.
so you asked me.
you asked me if i had any happy memories.
any memories that could keep me afloat.

so i thought. but i couldn't think.
i couldn't think of one memory that could crack a smile.
i couldn't think of one memory that revealed joy.

not with my family. not with my friends. and not even with you.

all of my memories were filled with spite and jealousy. loneliness and rage.

but now.... i lay here thinking of you.
thinking of that time we were able fall asleep together.
safely, and soundly.
with no cares or pre-cautions.
thinking of when you held me and i nodded away to your heartbeat.

thinking of when i woke up slightly and you kissed me.
the most romantic kiss you had ever given me.

you were mostly asleep and so was i.
i was turned away from you.
and when i relieved the pressure from my left side to transfer it to my right my lips fell into yours and you kissed me.
it was gentle and lasted for only a moment.
and with eyes shut you sighed, "i love you"
it was so genuine. it felt so real. and it felt so comfortable.
i lay there in your arms, your legs intertwined with me.
i looked at you to see if you were awake but you off...dreaming.
i nuzzled my face into your neck and slipped back into unconsciousness.

but i remember it.
and i'll try never to forget it.
because that's the most love i've ever felt.
that's the safest i've ever felt.
that's the happiest i've ever felt.

it's then i knew
that i'd be
forever yours